Finding my hate

Hate.

My loathe is nowhere to be found. 

Misplaced as it always is,

Where do I find my hate?

I set out in search for it, 

and I traversed through the archives first.

I went to its dark corners,

to see if it was trapped under some parched logs of the past. 

And there I saw regrets and despair, 

with all the untold stories,

and nameless verses.

Some forgotten, some gasping, some longing.

But I did not see hate anywhere there,

and so continued the probe. 

Then I went to the court,

to see if my hate was under trial. 

There I saw the judge and the jury,

and the many witnesses. 

And there stood my truth, 

alone and bare, facing judgement. 

Still, my hate was nowhere to be seen. 

Next, I stopped by the temple.

Hoping the gods to be kind. 

As I entered, I saw a woman washing rags

near the temple pond. 

I asked her if she saw my hate.

Without raising her head, 

she said that she was busy rinsing those rags,

and asked if I could lend a hand. 

Irate, I climbed the ancient steps,

and there, I saw my hate,

sitting outside the Sanctum Sanctorum,

near to my mercy. 

Stunned, I stood there, silent.

Hate began to speak, 

"I am not the one to be sought and yet here you are..."

and it asked, "why do you seek me?"

I didn't know what to say, and I mumbled, 

"I was sad... and I was angry... 

I felt unheard and unseen... I felt alone... and my love remains unrequited... 

I didn't know anything else..." I stopped. 

Hate laughed out loud, and said, 

"Silly boy. I am not a refuge, 

nor am I your home to run into. 

I can devour you this instant, 

but I take pity on you now. 

Skedaddle, before I change my mind."

Here, mercy stepped in with a smile. 

Caressing my pale face,

she reminded me who hate is,

while making me feel who she is. 

And when I asked why I found them both

together in this temple, she said, 

"I am the warden of hate. 

I pacify him and keep him on a leash. 

But you should know,

that I derive my strength from the choices you make. 

Sometimes, when you forget me-

when the empty tries to catch you, 

hate surfaces to remind you

that I exist, as a possibility,

as an alternative, as a choice, for you to make. 

Hate is a powerful force, 

but your compassion binds him within limits. 

Always let your mercy prevail over your wrath." She stopped. 

Now, I've found my hate,

but I no longer find it necessary. 

Yet, my heart aches with the burdens

I carry,

from the archives and the courtroom,

and the market, and the many lives I came across.

"How do I cleanse myself? 

How can I remove all this weight?"

I prayed. 

And merci responded, 

"Go wash with love". 

And then showed me the way out. 

I walked out,

wondering where love is. 

I went to the pond, to wash my face,

and there was the woman, 

still rinsing and scrubbing those rags. 

Now that I've confronted hate,

I walked towards her, offering my help. 

She pointed me to the nearby stone

and gave me a few rags to start with. 

What a strange woman, I thought.

I offered my help and there's not even a glimpse of gratitude in her ways. 

Nevertheless, I began to wash the rags,

and it was then I noticed something peculiar, rather familiar. 

These rags, had my name imprinted. 

And as I looked closer, 

I saw my life embedded in its fabric. 

"Go wash with love"

these words resonated in the air.  

And here I am with love herself,

washing my rags, cleansing my heart,

without any burdens. 

Now I see love,

and together there's much cleaning left to do. 

-Harishna