Hate.
My loathe is nowhere to be found.
Misplaced as it always is,
Where do I find my hate?
I set out in search for it,
and I traversed through the archives first.
I went to its dark corners,
to see if it was trapped under some parched logs of the past.
And there I saw regrets and despair,
with all the untold stories,
and nameless verses.
Some forgotten, some gasping, some longing.
But I did not see hate anywhere there,
and so continued the probe.
Then I went to the court,
to see if my hate was under trial.
There I saw the judge and the jury,
and the many witnesses.
And there stood my truth,
alone and bare, facing judgement.
Still, my hate was nowhere to be seen.
Next, I stopped by the temple.
Hoping the gods to be kind.
As I entered, I saw a woman washing rags
near the temple pond.
I asked her if she saw my hate.
Without raising her head,
she said that she was busy rinsing those rags,
and asked if I could lend a hand.
Irate, I climbed the ancient steps,
and there, I saw my hate,
sitting outside the Sanctum Sanctorum,
near to my mercy.
Stunned, I stood there, silent.
Hate began to speak,
"I am not the one to be sought and yet here you are..."
and it asked, "why do you seek me?"
I didn't know what to say, and I mumbled,
"I was sad... and I was angry...
I felt unheard and unseen... I felt alone... and my love remains unrequited...
I didn't know anything else..." I stopped.
Hate laughed out loud, and said,
"Silly boy. I am not a refuge,
nor am I your home to run into.
I can devour you this instant,
but I take pity on you now.
Skedaddle, before I change my mind."
Here, mercy stepped in with a smile.
Caressing my pale face,
she reminded me who hate is,
while making me feel who she is.
And when I asked why I found them both
together in this temple, she said,
"I am the warden of hate.
I pacify him and keep him on a leash.
But you should know,
that I derive my strength from the choices you make.
Sometimes, when you forget me-
when the empty tries to catch you,
hate surfaces to remind you
that I exist, as a possibility,
as an alternative, as a choice, for you to make.
Hate is a powerful force,
but your compassion binds him within limits.
Always let your mercy prevail over your wrath." She stopped.
Now, I've found my hate,
but I no longer find it necessary.
Yet, my heart aches with the burdens
I carry,
from the archives and the courtroom,
and the market, and the many lives I came across.
"How do I cleanse myself?
How can I remove all this weight?"
I prayed.
And merci responded,
"Go wash with love".
And then showed me the way out.
I walked out,
wondering where love is.
I went to the pond, to wash my face,
and there was the woman,
still rinsing and scrubbing those rags.
Now that I've confronted hate,
I walked towards her, offering my help.
She pointed me to the nearby stone
and gave me a few rags to start with.
What a strange woman, I thought.
I offered my help and there's not even a glimpse of gratitude in her ways.
Nevertheless, I began to wash the rags,
and it was then I noticed something peculiar, rather familiar.
These rags, had my name imprinted.
And as I looked closer,
I saw my life embedded in its fabric.
"Go wash with love"
these words resonated in the air.
And here I am with love herself,
washing my rags, cleansing my heart,
without any burdens.
Now I see love,
and together there's much cleaning left to do.
-Harishna
